The Retirement Newsletter: Should we grow old gracefully?

Issue Number: 211 (64) — The age-old question

Nick

Jun 15, 2025

A close-up photo of a branch covered in clusters of small white hawthorn blossoms, each with delicate stamens and light green leaves. The background is filled with lush greenery, including ivy and trees, suggesting a woodland or hedgerow setting in spring. — Photo by Author — Stunning May Flowers

Welcome

Welcome to issue 211 (64) — Should we grow old gracefully? This is an age-old (pun intended) question.

This week, I continue my series on examining how we change in retirement and ask: Should we grow old gracefully?

It is a tricky question.

What Is Growing Old Gracefully?

We have all heard the phrase — Growing old gracefully

It appears in lifestyle magazines, yoga advertisements, and those suspiciously cheerful retirement brochures featuring silver-haired couples canoeing at sunrise. (Have you tried getting into canoes recently? For me, it wouldn’t be graceful, and I would almost certainly end up in the lake/sea/canal or river. I struggled to get in and out of canoes when I was a kid; I think it would almost be impossible now.)

But what does “growing old gracefully” mean? Is it about sipping green tea while reading poetry? Is it just a polite way for younger generations to say “act your age” and “don’t complain too loudly about your knees”? Is it about accepting our age and not dying our hair to hide the grey bits? And should we grow old gracefully? Or should we rebel? Should we be ourselves?

Growing old gracefully is about accepting ageing with dignity, humour, and as few complaints as possible (though occasional moaning about the weather is still permitted). That is what society seems to be saying we should do. But should we?

My view is that growing old should not be about Botox, skincare routines, pretending to enjoy nightclubs still, or spending every waking hour in the gym. In growing old, we should:

Learn to accept our age, but not accept society’s view on what we should do at that age
Embrace grey hair instead of covering it up
Care more about comfort than fashion
Let go of the hustle and learn the joy of saying, “No thanks.”
Laughing at ourselves, frequently, preferably with friends who also can’t remember why they walked into the kitchen

It should be about ageing without bitterness. It should be about finding peace and joy in the complexities of growing older.

The Pros of Ageing Gracefully

There are some pros we can take from the ageing process:

Freedom from Pretending — We no longer have to pretend to like things — whether it’s green vegetables, loud music, or small talk at networking events. We can say, “Nope. Not for me,” and no one should bat an eyelid. Bliss.
Low Maintenance Living — No more worrying about being “on trend.” We are the trend. We wear sensible shoes and cardigans with deep pockets; our clothes are comfortable, not a fashion statement, and we know when to take a nap. That’s style with substance.
Superpowers of Perspective — With age comes wisdom — or at least a very sharp BS detector. We know what matters to us (hopefully). We understand where we fit within our local community and circle of friends. And we know better than to argue online. Or we like to think we do….
Time for the Good Stuff — Finally, we get to do more of what we want to do — whether it’s painting, birdwatching, watching other people do yoga or jog, or sitting in silence, judging our neighbour’s lawn.

However, we need to be honest: Ageing is not all that it is cracked up to be…

The Cons of Ageing Gracefully

There are some cons to ageing gracefully:

Some Things Do Hurt — And boy do they hurt. Joints. Teeth. Pride. Let’s not pretend ageing is all gentle acceptance. I now have aches in places I didn’t know could ache. We start to make funny noises when getting up from a chair, which, in my opinion, is something to be avoided.
Society Isn’t Always Kind — There’s a weird double standard. Young people are “exploring their identity”; older folks are “set in their ways.” Really? We’ve been through no Internet, dial-up Internet, and some truly horrible fashions and music. We can adapt. We can and have embraced change, it’s just that now we choose not to…
Grace Can Be Overrated — Sometimes “graceful” feels like code for “quiet and invisible.” But why should we fade politely into the background? Maybe growing old disgracefully — with a cackle and a brightly patterned scarf — is the way forward.
Who we are — If we accept the ‘norm’ of society for retirement and getting old, that is, we age gracefully, then we may never find out who we are — we may not find our true selves — and that, in opinion, would be a great shame.

So… To Grace or Not to Grace? That is the question.

Ultimately, growing old gracefully is about living with honesty, humour, and acceptance. Whether we’re into peaceful walks or noisy protests, whether we prefer tea and toast or shots and TikTok, it’s about doing things our way.

We can grow old gracefully, or grumbly, or gloriously eccentric. The only rule is: don’t let someone else define how we should age. We need to be ourselves. We must be true to ourselves.

Retirement gives us the rare opportunity to decide who we want to be now, not who we used to be, or who someone thinks we should be.

So go on. Wear that hat. Tell that story again. Take the afternoon nap. Age however you damn well want. Don’t try to be what you are not, don’t be the ‘self’ that society thinks you should be. Be you. But, please don’t be the person who tries to behave twenty years younger than they are, because they can’t accept that they are getting old. That is sad.

I suppose what I’m trying to say is: Be authentic. Be brave. But above all, be you.

That’s what I plan to do…. I plan to age as I want to, not as I’m expected to.

What about you? Please let me know in the comments.

Next week

As I said in Issue 207 (60): Should I get a part-time job?:

“Next week in issue 208 (61), I buy a cake, stick four candles (or should that be fork ’andles — you will need to know UK comedy to get that — see Greatest Comedy Moment — The Two Ronnies — Fork Handles) in it and celebrate four years of the Retirement Newsletter. It doesn’t seem possible.”

And that didn’t happen in issue 208 because, although it was four years of issues, it wasn’t the anniversary of the first issue.

So, next week will be four years since I posted the first issue of The Retirement Newsletter (A retirement plan? Issue Number: -135 - Do you have a plan?) on June 23rd, 2021. So, I will break out the fork handles and take a look back over the last four years. Why not join me?

Thanks

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Until next time,