The Retirement Newsletter: Planning my funeral
Issue Number: -85 — planning ahead is not a bad thing
Welcome
Welcome to issue number -85. This week, I will look at planning my funeral.
This might seem morbid to some, but why not plan your funeral so you get the funeral you want?
I recently attended a funeral which seemed to have no connection to the person who died. The funeral was awful. The music was not the type of music the person liked. The eulogy missed key moments in the person’s life. The whole thing felt wrong. So, this got me thinking about my funeral and what I would want.
Planning for my funeral
If you have read any of my previous newsletters, you know that I like to plan and make lists. I can't help it. It's in my nature. Hence, I have started to make a list for my funeral.
I realised that there would be five parts to my funeral, and the first stage would occur before I was dead. That is, my end of life care. Next would be the preparations for the funeral, the service or memorial I wanted, and any post-funeral events.
So, as I see it, there are five stages:
End of life care.
Pre-funeral organisation and events.
Type of funeral.
Service, memorial, or event.
Post-funeral event.
It should be noted that I am coming at this from a ‘Western/European’ perspective based on a traditional Christian approach.
1. End of life care
The UK National Health Service (NHS) has a good page on End of Life Care. I will not go into details here, but I need to make some choices.
One other thing I need to do is make a Living Will and think about setting up a Power of Attorney. I went into these in Issue -87 — Getting my affairs in order. And, I must remember to sort out my passwords — I also covered in Issue -87.
Also, I could donate my organs donated, or I could leave my body for medical research. I will be offering my organs to anyone who wants them, but I am still unsure about donating my body.
2. Pre-funeral organisation and events
I plan to share my funeral plans with my undertaker and my family.
But, my family will have to register my death, and if I follow my advice in Issue -87 — Getting my affairs in order — my family will have access to all the documents they need.
3. Type of funeral
OK, so this is where it starts getting complicated.
If you say to someone, “what type of funeral will you have” they will suggest either:
Burial
Cremation
But, both these types of funerals have environmental costs.
A traditional burial uses up land space, and there is the risk of groundwater pollution.
A cremation releases particulate matter (PM), carbon dioxide, sulphur dioxide, various nitrogen oxides, volatile organic compounds (VOCs), and heavy metals, including mercury, from filings. Plus, there is the carbon footprint of the fuel for the cremation. An average cremation can release up to 400 kg of carbon dioxide.
So, traditional cremations and burials may not be the best for the environment.
Are there other ways? Well, there are:
Burial at sea — anyone can be buried at sea. There are rules about where and how this can happen in the UK and the type of coffin used. Environmental impact? I'm not sure. I have not been able to find any information.
Natural burials — these are usually in memorial grounds, cemeteries, woodlands, homes, or private land. The body is not embalmed and is buried in biodegradable materials. But, there is still a slight risk of pollution, plus there is the use of the land.
Water cremation — also called resomation, alkaline hydrolysis or aquamation. In a water cremation, a potassium hydroxide (KOH) solution heated to 150 ºC in a pressurised container breaks down the body’s flesh. The remaining bones are then pulverised. But, the issue with this approach is the production of 250 gallons (ca. 1,100 litres) of contaminated water. The water can be used as fertiliser. There is also the energy used to heat the water, but renewable sources could provide the power.
Composting — sometimes called a ‘mushroom suit’ — the body is placed in a container and ’composted’ over four weeks.
Promession — freeze-drying of bodies. First, the body is frozen to -196 °C in liquid nitrogen. It is then broken into small pieces by vibration. The small pieces have the water removed by placing them in a vacuum chamber. Finally, all metals are removed, such as the mercury from fillings. The dried and cleaned ‘dust’ can then be buried or scattered like ashes. I do find this method appealing. When writing the newsletter (June 2022), I could not find the process being used or licensed for use. Please correct me in the comments below if I am wrong.
So, which one are you going for? For me, cremation, but if promession becomes available, maybe that?
4. Service, memorial, or event
Next, we move on to the service, memorial, or event to commemorate my life.
As I said above, the thing that got me thinking about my funeral was the one I recently attended that did not connect to the person’s life. It would have been very different if the person had planned their funeral.
There are many options for the service, memorial, or event, and it depends on the type of funeral you want.
I want to follow a fairly traditional approach:
Church service
If you know me, then a church service is a surprising choice, as I'm not religious. But, I respect tradition and assuming I can persuade the local vicar, I would like a church service. My view is that the church service is more for those left behind and not the recently departed.
Assuming the local vicar agrees, we then come to the order of the service, and I will go with:
Music coming in — not yet decided.
Welcome and introduction by the vicar
Hymn — again, not yet decided — ‘All things bright and beautiful’ as most people know it?
At this point, I could go with a reading from the Bible, which would be hypocritical. So, I will have a reading from a book or some passage of text.
Address — no clue what to include at this point. That is one for the vicar.
Hymn — currently no thoughts.
Personal tribute — I’ll write it. They will say it. I wish I had the talent, nerve, and wit to write something like John Cleese’s Eulogy for Graham Chapman, but I don’t. So, I will stick with the facts.
Reflection — a few minutes for people to reflect on what a wonderful person I was and how much they will miss me.
Lord’s Prayer
Final hymn — a bit controversial this one, Good King Wenceslas. My reason is I like the lines about snow — deep and crisp and even.
Leaving music — not yet decided.
Cremation
The cremation will be a private event and family only. But, if I can’t persuade the local vicar to run a church service, I will model my cremation on the above church service without the hymns and prayers.
I would keep the reading, the personal tribute and the reflection. As for entry and exit music, I would select something from The Cure and Pink Floyd. But this still needs some thought. Maybe ‘What a wonderful World’ for the leaving music? I like the lyrics of that song.
Flowers or donations?
For me, donations. Flowers die and fade, but a donation to a charity may do some good. I have not selected a charity, but it is likely to be something to benefit the local community.
Scattering of remains
A family affair. My current thinking is to have a family member travelling the world, scattering my ashes in my favourite places. And they won’t get a penny until they have completed the job!
Event
You could decide on some event or celebration of a person’s life. I have considered this, but I want a more ‘traditional’ route.
5. Post-funeral event
Well, for me, it would have to be in a pub and involve decent real beer and some traditional pub-grub. I’ll pay for the food and leave a few quid behind the bar. See you there!
Useful links
Links in this week’s newsletter:
Donate your body to science — The Royal College of Surgeons of England
End of Life Care — NHS
Organ Donation — NHS
Next week
Next week will be Issue -84, only 84 weeks until I retire.
Next week, I will be moving away from morbid subjects. Instead, I will be looking at using an interest in making videos and photos as a side-hustle to boost income.
Thanks
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Until next time,
Nick
PS, If you have something you would like to contribute to the newsletter — a story, advice, anything — please get in touch.